Wedding Insider: Behind the scenes of a same sex wedding
Brides Maddy and Jesi had a fairytale wedding they won’t ever forget. We were fortunate enough to be a part of their wedding day and learn first hand what it was like to plan a same sex wedding. From their unforgettable proposals to choosing their perfect wedding vendors, They shared their entire wedding planning process with us. Check out what they had to say about the wedding of their dreams and the events leading up to it.
How did you meet?
Like every good modern romance, we met on a dating app called “Her”. Maddy was feeling bold and starting the conversation first, thinking Jesi was far too cute to be interested. Little did she know, Jesi also thought the same of her. We chatted frequently and met for the first time for happy hour. Our “happy hour” turned into four hours of chatting and munching on chips and guacamole, both feeling too shy to suggest we order actual dinner. Several awkward dates and about a month passed before we became “official”, and the rest is history.
What did your engagement proposal look like?
We both proposed! We picked out engagement rings together on a whim about 4 months earlier. We went to Duluth, MN for the weekend to celebrate Jesi’s birthday and we both had been unknowingly planning to propose. Maddy proposed first on Friday of that weekend at Jay Cooke State Park, with a book she made that had a proposal on the last page. Jesi was so surprised! The next day, Jesi proposed to Maddy with a puzzle piece (we love doing puzzles), and Maddy was also surprised that she had planned to propose that same weekend! It was really special and fun to tell our friends and family when we got back from our weekend away.
Did you have any significant struggles that stood out to you when planning your same sex wedding?
Overall, our wedding planning went very smoothly. It was important for us to have LGBTQ focused vendors. For the most part, we had wonderful experiences because of this. It was easy to spot vendors who didn’t fit what we were looking for after contacting them and receiving very gendered mass emails that only mentioned “bride and groom”, for example. Wedding planning was a lot of work: communicating back and forth with vendors, deciding on details, coordinating the wedding party, and more – but all the details came together beautifully! We were also fortunate to have family and friends who helped with various tasks.
Did you have any fears when planning your same sex wedding?
Yes, we were preparing ourselves for vendors to turn us down once they realized we were two women. It was challenging to know how to approach this if it did happen – do we just accept it and move on? Or do we try to have a conversation with vendors about why they would turn a couple away just because they are a same sex couple? Fortunately, we did not encounter this, but it was still something we thought about when reaching out to several vendors.
Did you get any questions from friends/family members/acquaintances when you were planning based on your same sex marriage? (i.e.. who wears the dress? Who’s walking down the aisle first?)
Yes, all the time! We found ourselves answering all these questions and more on a regular basis, especially from coworkers and more distant acquaintances. Even if people had good intentions or were just curious about what a same sex wedding is like, some questions were insensitive or drew from preconceived ideas about gender roles when it comes to wedding planning. People made joking comments about how it must be nice to have two brides planning the wedding or, on the other hand, asked if it was hard to plan with two brides because we must both have a specific wedding vision. We actively planned the wedding together and saw eye to eye on what we wanted the day to look like, which may not be the same way for every couple but it seemed that people had a harder time believing that with two brides instead of a bride and groom. Generally, we appreciated when people would ask more open-ended questions like “what are you both planning to wear?” instead of “are you both wearing dresses?”
How did you choose your vendors?
We wanted vendors who had worked with same sex couples before and who were outwardly supportive same sex weddings. If vendors didn’t have examples of same sex couples in their portfolio or specifically called out working with LGBTQ people, we would keep looking for someone else. From there, we would reach out to vendors to get quotes and have a conversation about what we were looking for. If we felt good about their work, how well they understood what we wanted, and had good customer service in general, we would move forward with booking them. We also had some connections through friends which made it a little easier to narrow down.
What was your experience like at your hair and makeup trials?
It was fantastic! Hillary and Rachel at Ziel Bridal took such care in talking with us and understanding both what we wanted in our looks and did not want. Hillary did a great job creating makeup looks that were not identical but complementary, especially considering that we both wanted a similar, natural look. Besides being very skilled, both women were also easygoing and fun to work with! We left our trial feeling confident and ready for the big day.
What stood out the most when working with Ziel Bridal on your wedding day?
Both artists made us and our wedding party feel very comfortable, like we were just hanging out with friends. They were also so receptive to feedback and making small changes along the way to make sure everything was just how we envisioned. Kayla was also great at answering our questions when we first got in touch with her and doing everything online made the planning process very easy.
We love featuring our real brides and getting to know the back story behind the happily ever after. Wedding days are so unique and customized, its fun to get in the minds of our couples. Maddy and Jesi’s wedding has been published and featured three times over the last couple of months showcasing just how spectacular everything came together. We were more than honored to be a part of it all.
